Six Elements You Need in Grief

6 Elements You Need In Grief (David Kessler)

1. Surround yourself with community
• You need all types of support; those who can go deep with you, those that can distract you, and/or listen to you
• Grief isolates and community and support is important.

2. Continued Connections with the loved one who has died
• It has been said, “grief is love that has no place to go.” Love doesn’t have to stop
• Do rituals that connect you to your loved one, like things you liked to do together
• Say their names
• Share memories of them with others

3. Grief does not define you
• Remember to honor grief but don’t lose yourself in it; It is not who you are.
• You don’t have to use terms like “widow”
• Remember your loved one with more love than pain but with your own pace

4. Treat yourself as your best friend
• Grief is on the inside; mourning is what you do on the outside
• Don’t rush yourself
• Be kind to yourself. One way is to direct ask. Example: let others know when birthdays or anniversaries are coming up and ask for their support

5. Don’t compare
• Comparison is tough in grief; if you win the comparison, you still lose
• What someone thinks of your grief, is none of your business
• Be gentle and true to yourself; honor your pace

6. Count your wins
• This is where growth happens
• Count all wins even little ones, like waking to take a shower