Anxiety is affecting more children and teens than ever before, leaving many parents feeling overwhelmed, unsure, and desperate to help. Watching your child struggle with anxiety can be heartbreaking—and trying to support them without the right tools can feel confusing and exhausting.
The good news is, while it can feel hard and overwhelming, there are ways to support kids with anxiety—and it starts with understanding what they’re going through. It can be helpful to think of anxiety like a smoke detector. It is a part of our body’s natural alarm system, and just like a smoke detector, anxiety can be helpful. Anxiety provides motivation to do important things and the awareness to get away from dangerous situations. But also like a smoke detector, anxiety can be over-reactive and create false alerts. This can lead to excessive fear, worry, and avoidance.
If your child is experiencing anxiety, there are several things that you can do to support them on their journey. Helping them build skills in the areas below can give them the tools they need to face their fears—and remind them that they’re not alone.
CALM
One of the most important things that parents can do for their children is to give them tools to help them calm down when they are feeling anxious. A fun activity to do with your kids is to work together to create a calm-down box full of reminders of things that they can do when they need to calm down. This will be different for each child, so let your child be a part of the process of figuring out what works for them. When doing this, encourage your children to be open and try new things. It’s also important to practice calm down strategies with your child when they are already calm. This will help the child be aware of and comfortable with the strategies, which will in turn make them more effective when they really need them.
A few ideas for calm down strategies:
*Deep breathing: to make this more fun for kids you can teach them square breathing, rainbow breathing, or belly breathing with a stuffed animal on their stomach!
*Grounding techniques: help kids return to the present moment when they are overwhelmed or anxious by using the 5-4-3-2-1 technique, playing I spy, or ABC’s around the room.
*Other possible items to include: bubbles, comforting scents, favorite stuffed animals, a journal for writing, art supplies, fidgets, affirmation statements, play dough, kinetic sand, or a picture of their favorite place.
BALANCE
Since anxiety is often fueled by unhelpful thought patterns, one powerful way parents and caregivers can help is by teaching kids to become detectives of their own thoughts. Have fun with this and help your kids get curious. The goal is that they will catch their thoughts, check them, and then change them to something more balanced. For example, if a child says “I’m bad at math” you could help them catch the thought, check it for truth, and come up with a more balanced statement like “Math is hard for me right now, but with practice I can get better.”
Questions you can ask your child to help with this include:
-Is this always true, or is it just how I feel right now?
-What are the reasons this thought is true? What are the reasons this thought is not true?
-Would I say that to a friend in the same situation?
-Is there another way to look at this?
BRAVERY CHALLENGE
Sometimes anxiety makes kids want to avoid people, places, or things that make them feel nervous or on edge. While avoidance may help them feel better in the moment, it can backfireand end up making the anxiety stronger! Parents can help kids with this by working with their child to create a bravery challenge. After your child has found calm-down strategies that work for them and practiced balancing their thoughts, encourage them to choose something they’ve been avoiding that they feel ready to face. It’s typically best to start with something small and slowly help them work their way up to bigger challenges. Each small step builds confidence, making it easier to take on the next one. In addition to helping with anxiety, a bravery challenge also promotes resilience and self-esteem!
IN THE MOMENT
Of course, even with practice and preparation, there will still be moments when anxiety shows up unexpectedly. Knowing how to respond in these moments can make a big difference for both you and your child. A helpful tool to utilize when anxiety shows up in big ways for your child is to utilize the three R’s: regulate, relate, and reason.
Begin by helping your child regulate. This is where the calm down strategies mentioned above will be helpful! Once your child is regulated, it is important to relate to them. Using short sentences and a calm tone , statements like “I can see that your very scared right now. This is really hard for you” can be very calming and validating. Once you’ve regulated and reasoned, your child will then be in a better place to reason. In this calmer state, your child is more able to listen, think clearly, and begin working through their anxious thoughts with your support.
HOPE
Supporting a child with anxiety isn’t easy—but you don’t have to do it alone. With the right tools, guidance, and support, your child can learn to manage their anxiety and build confidence in themselves. Therapy can be a powerful part of that journey, offering both kids and parents a safe space to learn, grow, and heal. There is hope, and help is available. You and your child are not alone—brighter days are ahead.
