We’ve all had that moment: we receive bad news, almost drop something valuable, swerve out of the way of a less-than-careful driver. Your heart feels like it skips or maybe drops. You flash cold, then hot. You feel your pulse in your chest, your neck, your fingertips. This is what we commonly hear referred to as our fight-or-flight response: automatic physiological changes that happen in a moment of real or perceived threat to keep us safe and alive. It is a central part of the major bodily system called the autonomic nervous system. It’s what helped us fight or flee from predators in our early human history and continues to keep us safe now. It is vital to our survival, and yet sometimes it can feel like it’s trying to kill us (I’m looking at you, anxiety).
Fine-tuned to respond to danger, it keeps us on our toes when needed, but it also responds to all of our imagined worst fears and anxieties. It watches the news with us, remembers past hardships big and small, and feels our concerns for who our children will grow up to be, and what world they’ll live in when that time comes. While understandably worry-inducing experiences, the autonomic nervous system does not take the time to parse through the details of what is perceived as threatening. It is simply made to respond. And, sometimes, thank goodness it does. We had to live in the woods with apex predators. We are still working with a brain that can respond to such threats in a world that has changed tremendously. And when we aren’t preparing to fight or flee, sometimes we may become totally shut down, exhausted by constant demands, long-term stressors, and maybe long-term heartache. We become fried and, to stay alive, we play possum, going into a state of autopilot, keeping all our vital functions moving while we have little to no ability to evaluate and address less immediate needs and concerns. We find ourselves in survival mode.
These three states, fight/flight/ freeze, have been conceptualized as the polyvagal ladder, named after the vagus nerve, which makes up a substantial part of our autonomic nervous system (Dana, 2018). Imagine a ladder with three sections. At the top, there is the state where we are at peace. We laugh more easily, feel connected to others, and have a sense of balance. In the middle of this ladder is a state of activation; this is our fight or flight response. This part is ready to move to meet our immediate needs, focusing less on connection and more on potential threats in our environment, and can be experienced as anxiety or stress. Finally, there is the bottom of the ladder. This is our freeze state, which sometimes feels like overwhelm or numbness, and may be experienced as exhaustion or a sense of being cut off from the world around you emotionally or mentally. Each state, in its appropriate context, is necessary for survival. But, of course, these parts of our body and mind are not only coming online when needed. Sometimes, based on our experiences, we stay in a state of activation or exhaustion, noticing this comes on too often or stays on too long.
While it is always important to seek medical care to rule out health problems or therapy to address what we may struggle to navigate on our own, getting in touch with our autonomic nervous system provides us with important information to regulate our bodies and minds, cope with everyday stressors, and manage challenging emotions.
So how does all of this apply to our everyday lives? To get in touch with this part of ourselves, we must first begin to notice its attempts at communication. How do you feel when you’re at peace? What happens in your body and your mind? What experiences influence this? Being around loved ones? Watching a favorite show or taking a hot shower?
Now, what about when you enter fight or flight mode? What is your heart doing? Are your hands sweating, or your leg or foot tapping? Do your thoughts race? Does your mind go blank? When have you noticed feeling like this? Finally, what does shut down look like for you? Are you disconnected from your body or the people closest to you? Is it marked by exhaustion, numbness, or a sense of being on autopilot? To begin to respond to these cues, it is helpful to first recognize your body’s attempts at communicating with them. If you’re comfortable, writing about or naming each state can help increase awareness of its presence.
As we become increasingly aware of our body’s messages, we can also act in ways that help us work collaboratively with it. One such method is savoring, which can be used to explore positive experiences and conjure their essence to promote a sense of safety or peace. This can be done by bringing one’s focus to a moment or feeling of peace, enjoyment, connection, or safety (Dana, 2018). What sensations do you notice in your body? Is the image a loved one, a mountainside, a favorite meal? What feeling comes along with this? Happiness? Contentment? Joy? Finally, what thoughts accompany this experience? Sit in this, feeling the sun on your face, hearing the sound of your child laughing, or smelling the trees as they blossom. It is okay if other thoughts arise as we do this. This is natural. Simply acknowledge them and redirect your attention.
Even with our best efforts, we are bound to leave this state of contentment and connection and find ourselves in a place of activation or hypervigilance. While uncomfortable, it is also natural, and we can respond to this by grounding ourselves in the moment, even if it feels like our mind wants to wander off to worst-case scenarios as our fists clench in response to our perceived sense of judgment, failure, or that guy who cut us off in traffic. Bringing us back to here and now, take a moment to deliberately steady your breathing, exhaling for longer than the inhale. Imagine yourself breathing in safety, love, or a sense of control, while breathing out a sense of danger, rejection, or loss of stability. If you’re comfortable and able, try letting out a low hum or a few notes of a favorite song to activate your vocal cords, as this can reduce stress by working on your vagus nerve (Kaye, 2024).
Finally, when in a state of shutdown and disconnection, an important focus can be getting back into your body in a way that refocuses your mind and pulls energy into the body. This may be splashing your face with cold water, shaking out your fingers, wrists, and arms, and engaging in any movement that feels safe and comfortable to you.
We live in a society that asks us to constantly keep moving, to keep up, to explain ourselves when we slow down. It can be hard to know when or how to step off the merry-go-round, and even harder to accept the messages from our body that say we have to. While we can’t solve it all, do it all, or be it all, we can honor these goals and dreams by acting in ways that allow us to live in our bodies more intentionally and observe ourselves with greater curiosity in place of judgment. So, what is your body asking of you today? How do you want to respond to it?
References
Dana, D. (2018). Polyvagal theory in therapy: Engaging the rhythm of regulation. W.W. Norton & Company.
Kaye, A.M. (2024, October 7). The power of humming: A simple technique for stress reduction and inner calm. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-compassionate-brain/202410/the-power-of-humming