One of the most common things I hear from clients who are new to the therapeutic process is some version of, “I’m not sure how to do therapy.” It makes sense. Starting therapy can feel like stepping into unfamiliar territory without a map. You know where you’re trying to go (or what you want to change) but you’re unsure of how to get there.
In a way, your therapist is like your adventure guide. They have special training to navigate this territory, and while they’ve never walked your exact path, they’re equipped to help you find your way. The process isn’t linear, and there’s no single route, but your therapist is there to walk it with you.
How do I do therapy the “right” way?
You might wonder if you’re supposed to have a big realization in every session, if it’s okay to cry (or not cry), or if it’s strange that your mind sometimes goes blank when your therapist asks how something makes you feel. Let me offer this reassurance: there’s no single “right” way to be in therapy.
Maybe your therapist asks a direct question about a past trauma and you’re not ready to disclose what exactly happened yet. You’re not sure if you should push through the discomfort or hold back. Or maybe you go into session saying you had a good week and then find yourself venting about your annoying coworker for twenty minutes. These are all valid experiences! Ultimately, there’s no specific “right” way to experience therapy.
What should I talk about?
The structure of your session is likely going to depend on you—and who your therapist is. I have clients who like to begin sessions by checking in about their week, and others who prefer starting with a grounding practice. Some like to stay in the present moment, while others want to pick up right where we left off last session. It’s all welcome.
If there’s something specific you want to discuss, you don’t have to wait for your therapist to bring it up. I want my client’s sessions to be beneficial for them, so if venting about their annoying coworker is what they need, it’s totally acceptable! The same thing goes for when my clients need to take a break from talking about something heavy or needing to move a session outside of the therapy room. Being honest and asking for what you need are signs of growth!
What does it mean to “show up” in therapy?
The therapeutic relationship is a safe space for you to show up exactly as you are. Whether you’re anxious, confused, quiet, overwhelmed, emotional, numb, distracted, or talkative, however you come in is okay. Therapy isn’t a performance. It’s a relationship. And like any safe relationship, it becomes deeper and more comfortable with time.
Your therapist is there to meet you with curiosity and compassion, not judgment. You don’t have to hold it all together or explain yourself perfectly. It’s okay to not know what you need yet, to feel nervous, or to have a session where nothing big seems to happen. What matters most is that you keep showing up. Over time, you will learn to trust yourself in the process.
What if something’s not working for me?
Please speak up! Your therapist wants your sessions to be beneficial to you. If you find something doesn’t work—whether it’s the format, a certain question, or even the pace—it’s okay to say so. Therapy is collaborative. It might take a little time to find what feels right, and your feedback helps shape the process.
Some clients find it hard to make eye contact while talking. Others struggle to stay focused or worry they’re “talking too much” or “not saying the right thing.” These are all common experiences, especially in the beginning. You are allowed to name these feelings out loud. In fact, doing so can be a powerful part of the work. Ultimately, these are your sessions, and your therapist wants them to be as beneficial as possible for you.
Why is therapy awkward? Will it get better?
Sometimes people find therapy awkward for a variety of reasons. Maybe you’re not used to talking about your feelings, or you’re still building trust with your therapist. Maybe you’re not used to getting so much one-on-one attention from someone. It’s totally acceptable (and encouraged) to name the awkwardness. Often, just acknowledging it out loud can actually help ease some of the awkwardness in session.
If you’re considering therapy…
If you’re thinking about starting therapy or feeling unsure about getting started, I’d encourage you to take that first step…ask the questions, voice the hesitations, and show up as you are. You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just need to begin.