– not just seeing with the eyes, but it means perceiving another deeply and empathetically
-avoiding actions and responses that would frighten or hurt the person we are in relationship with
– helping the other person to deal with difficult emotions and situations
– helping the other person cultivate an internalized sense of well-being
When we experience the 4 S’s in any significant relationship, we develop powerful and important beliefs about ourselves and our world. We believe things such as, “I am good. I am wanted. I am loveable. I am safe. My life is important. I can get my needs met. I can trust.”
Here at The Refuge Center, we desire to flesh out the 4 S’s in practical ways:
To truly “see” those we work with it is important to know their story and to understand them (their responses, needs, triggers etc.) in context of their previous personal and professional experiences.
Once we know their story, we will hopefully have a sense of past experiences that may be triggers to feeling unsafe in the work environment and can avoid harmful responses.
Hurt and misunderstanding is inevitable, even in the strongest of families and work cultures. Those are called “ruptures.” They occur because we are human. The most important consideration in an attachment-based leadership culture is the way those ruptures are repaired. For repair to occur, we must be aware of the feelings of those around us and we must value their experiences and needs. Value is more than an idea here. It is an action. It is how one seeks to soothe another who is hurt, scared, confused etc.
It is vital that a supervisor in the workplace be a “secure base” for staff members to launch from. If an individual is securely attached to their boss, they can venture out into their unique role and can trust that their supervisor will be available to guide them, encourage them, support them and even help them navigate their emotions about the challenges and opportunities they face. If an employee is securely attached to their supervisor, they may also find that they have more confidence in their abilities and talents and can act from a place of trust in self.
When I first came to The Refuge Center, I had an eating disorder. Now I am not worried about food or my weight. I am happy and have more joy. I am not worried or anxious.
The Refuge Center has taught me so much about myself. I’ve discovered who I am in a bright, new way. I’ve learned how to work through pain of loss, relationship problems, and I’ve learned how to set healthy boundaries. After all, it’s up to me to protect myself. I’ve also learned that I’m not damaged, or maybe I am, but we all are and we all can heal. The Refuge Center has taught me how to take steps towards healing. It’s a journey, but a beautiful one. I’m learning to find joy in the “here and now”.
My family and I came to The Refuge Center after experiencing several traumatic deaths in our immediate family. We were eagerly met with patience, love, concern, and understanding of our situation. They have offered tremendous guidance and excellent suggestions to help us cope. We feel blessed that God guided us to such an amazing center!
I can’t begin to tell you how thankful I am to have received help from the Refuge Center. My therapist has been amazing! When I came to the center, I felt devastated, guilty, unloved and overwhelmed. My therapist helped me see things in such a different light. She gave me tools to use and listened to me cry. She gave me courage and hope. She truly has been an angel sent to me from God. As I sit here today, I feel confident and stronger than I ever have! I am forever thankful for all your help. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Talking to my counselor has been life changing. She helped me understand things fully, like with friendships, family problems, and my own feelings and emotions. I’m really thankful for her help. Even though I’ve never been to another counselor, I’m pretty sure she’s the best ever! It’s great to have someone to talk to other than friends and family. Thank you.