Attachment Based Leadership

“I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.” – Brene Brown

At The Refuge Center for Counseling, our belief is that our professional relationships are strengthened by honoring the fundamental tenants of secure attachment and in doing this a lasting and meaningful connections are created, which ultimately benefits everyone involved with the organization.
Daniel Seigel, renowned researcher of interpersonal neurobiology, defines the 4 S’s of attachment as:

• Seen

  – not just seeing with the eyes, but it means perceiving another deeply and empathetically

• Safe

  -avoiding actions and responses that would frighten or hurt the person we are in relationship with

• Soothed

  – helping the other person to deal with difficult emotions and situations

• Secure

  – helping the other person cultivate an internalized sense of well-being

When we experience the 4 S’s in any significant relationship, we develop powerful and important beliefs about ourselves and our world. We believe things such as, “I am good. I am wanted. I am loveable. I am safe. My life is important. I can get my needs met. I can trust.”

What if an “attachment-based leadership culture” could be created and nurtured? Would it change your work experience if your supervisor was a safe haven and a secure base for you or if you could provide that for those you supervise?

Here at The Refuge Center, we desire to flesh out the 4 S’s in practical ways:

Seen

To truly “see” those we work with it is important to know their story and to understand them (their responses, needs, triggers etc.) in context of their previous personal and professional experiences.

• Safe

  Once we know their story, we will hopefully have a sense of past experiences that may be triggers to feeling unsafe in the work environment and can avoid harmful responses.

• Soothed

  Hurt and misunderstanding is inevitable, even in the strongest of families and work cultures. Those are called “ruptures.” They occur because we are human. The most important consideration in an attachment-based leadership culture is the way those ruptures are repaired. For repair to occur, we must be aware of the feelings of those around us and we must value their experiences and needs. Value is more than an idea here. It is an action. It is how one seeks to soothe another who is hurt, scared, confused etc.

• Secure

  It is vital that a supervisor in the workplace be a “secure base” for staff members to launch from. If an individual is securely attached to their boss, they can venture out into their unique role and can trust that their supervisor will be available to guide them, encourage them, support them and even help them navigate their emotions about the challenges and opportunities they face. If an employee is securely attached to their supervisor, they may also find that they have more confidence in their abilities and talents and can act from a place of trust in self.